Got a cost of living adjustment
But they deducted food stamps from it
It’s so hard to get ahead
Trying to buy food and meds
Every time you get a break
Someone else is on the take
Waiting to hear from SSA
Hoping upon hope every day
Soon something’s gotta give
Or I can’t afford to live
Looking back it could have gone either way. It didn’t work out, which makes it look like fate, or a stupid decision, or both. But at the time I did have a few things in my favor I had…
I had gotten out with the wind turbine. It was strong enough to hold off the Secret Service which allowed us a head start. We were riding in John’s “baby” a 1964 1/2 Mustang. There were only 12 on the road and John inherited it from his dad who won it in a poker game. I never understood why they didn’t sell it for the cash. The good news was it was fast enough to out run any car the government could throw it. The down side was driving in a Candy Apple Red with silver chrome classic machine with the license plates “snap it” was more than a tad bit conspicuous. Well I thought, at least we can at least use it as collateral if we go to jail. Then again maybe we won’t go to jail maybe we’ll undergo some secret, ancient, Chinese dry drowning torture at Guantanamo bay. Well we couldn’t go home so we drove straight to my best friend Lucy’s. We had to change clothes, ditch the car and figure out what the hell to do next. Just as we pulled into Lucy’s drive, I could hear the sound of choppers overhead.
The wind whispered through the dark empty trees like a warning in a foreign language. Winter was coming and with winter…
Came mood swings. First, there was Christmas my favorite holiday. I listened to Christmas music starting November 1st, put the tree up and light it every day from the day after Thanksgiving. I love Christmas movies and spend Christmas day watching the old classics. I really have a big expectation because every year as Christmas starts to wind down; I fall into a deep depression.
I despair that all the fun is gone and its dark all of the time. The last two new years’ eves I have spent in the mental wellness ward. This year I am trying to keep perspective. My friend got me a seasonal affective disorder lamp that mimics sunlight.
So far there are no frigid temps or cold just the gloomy skies and relentless darkness. You would think I’d welcome the warmer weather, but it comes at a price. The core temperature of the Earth is increasing and weather patterns are starting to invert (snow in Texas warm temps in Indiana). So now I have nothing to worry about except the end of the world.
“How did you know?” I asked not sure I wanted the answer. I thought I had been careful. I thought her…
Wouldn’t be able to see though the façade I put up each day. After just a few sessions with this therapist the walls were starting to crumble.
“I am not a compulsive liar,” I said emphatically.
“Why do you assume I think you’re lying?” she asked.
“Everyone does,” I replied. “They think I am making tins stuff up but it just keeps happening to me.”
“Like what stuff?” she asked “Like the drugs?”
I shifted in my seat and lowered my head. “That was a mistake,” I mumbled inaudibly
“You said you were selling cocaine? You said it was hidden in the register? It says here you did it because you wanted more attention?” she interrogated
“That’s what it says,” I echoed back
Her eyes bored into me. “I think it was because you believed it to be true”
I blinked and then broke down sobbing. “It’s seems so real” I said between crying spells “it’s not just the drugs its lots of thing” She comforted me and as I asked” What’s wrong with me?”
Well she said softly it appears you are having delusions.
I’ve lived in the same town my whole life, and most of the time that’s fine with me. But in the late fall when the sky fills with birds migrating south for the winter, traveling thousands of miles, I get homesick for places I’ve never been. Places like…
I read about in books. Having high levels of stress even as a child, I often used books and fantasy as a coping mechanism for the harsh realities of life
I wandered with Gandalf through the Elven lands of Elron and Rivendell. I played and frolicked with Frodo and Sam in the shire. I went 20,000 leagues under the sea with Jules Verne and shopped for school books with Harry, Ron and Hermione at DIagon Alley
This is one reason the motor coach trip meant so much to me a chance to visit the land of my childhood fantasies would bridge the gap between fantasy and reality that had plagued me my whole life.
There was a secret though; one I thought no one knew. Sometimes I became delusional and blurred the real life and fantasy. Sometimes I didn’t know which was which …
Perhaps it was a dream, she thought. Perhaps if she pinched herself, she would wake up but she didn’t want to wake up. She wanted to stay in the dream world where…
She trekked around in a motor coach with her wife, her friends, and of course Shep the wonder dog. Shep is a Chihuahua / rat terrier mix who goes wherever she goes. He has a service god vest so he can go to therapy and into stores. His small size would be perfect for the motor coach.
She made a whole Pinterest board for “camping” She would be “glamping “with the motor coach but she still loved cooking food in tin foil packets on the bonfire. She wanted to hike and fish and lives off the land as much as possible. She made another Pinterest board for “felt crafts” for decor she could make for the motor coach. A lot of it was cute owl stuff cushions and the like. She thought it would be fun to decorate with a “wilderness” theme.
OH well she thought its nothing but walnut tar so it’s time to wake up and face the day. I wonder what daydreams will pass the day today…
At first we thought the black liquid was oil that we’d struck it rich and we’d be able to retire and live in leisure. We actually started writing down all the ways we’d spend our money. The first one was…
A new Subaru Outback a 2018 with all-wheel drive and latest safety features in cobalt blue
Since I hate to drive, I’d pay Tracy the Access bus driver to drive us around. The next thing we’d buy is a Winnebago Motor Coach with a pod on the bottom to store the Outback. The first place we’d go would be to South Palm Beach Florida to pick up our friends. Then we’d head to Orlando where we would spend a week at Disney including the water park and one week at Harry Potter world and Volcano Bay water parks.
I would start a travel blog reviewing every park, restaurant and campground that we visited.
Then we would go to the Grand Canyon, take a burrow down inside and camp inside the canyon. Then two camping trip would be marked off my bucket list.
If only it had been oil, it’s turned out to be tar from the Walnut tree.